fields notes from my dopamine detox + Life Is Worth Living!

Alt title: How I'm Using My Summer Vacation To Become Normal

Before we jump in, I wanted to remind you that you can read a full Chapter One excerpt of my next contemporary romance, BACK FOR SECONDS, here.

If you like what you read, look out for my pre-order campaign, coming soon!

---

As some of you may know, we recently had a Strawberry Moon that took place at the same time Mercury went into retrograde. For some of you, this means nothing. For others of you, it means everything. It’s an everythingburger, as Jen The Other White Woman on Love Island USA recently said.

For me and my particular astrological composition, this meant friends (heeeey Tabitha) telling me that I basically needed to shut the freak up and stop being a wisecracker until July 22.

Did I listen?

Guys, obviously not. I don’t know which one of my ancestors hiked up their woolen skirts, army crawled down the embankment of a river, and sashayed under a bridge to seduce a tiny little tubby man with freaked up hair, but sweetie I am genetically a troll.

I don’t do it on purpose. I just think of something really funny, hilarious, interesting, and cool and then say it out loud without thinking longer than 35 seconds. To quote Mariah Paris Balenciaga, what the problem is?

I say all of this as a bit of a forewarning that I am cosmically worried about my words being misconstrued during this particular planetary moment! And it does feel lately like the world is just a little bit more on edge than usual. Overwhelmingly negative reviews and posts, lots of weird Threads beef, generally heightened anxiety and conspiratorial thinking. It seems we are really swimming in the Bad Stuff.

Dead Internet Theory posits that the Internet as we know it, post-Web 2.0-not-quite-3.0, is mostly made up of bot activity, automated content, generative AI content—particularly AI generated engagement-farming slop. I previously found this theory a little too conspiratorial. When I first learned about this theory, around 2020, Twitter was the most popular talking point about how the Internet was Dead in Theory. For reference—in 2020 it was reported that an estimated 15% of all accounts on Twitter were bots¹. A 2021 Pew Research Center report found that 97% of Twitter’s content is generated by only 25% of active users².

These figures were floating around before these exact reports and when I first encountered them, they felt correct enough, but not damning enough for me to agree that the internet was 90% bot activity and 10% each of us staring in a mirror. Sure, there were bots. As a longtime fan of Horse_ebooks, I knew a thing or two about Twitter bots.

I think it’s fair to say I was pretty ignorant of what was happening on the internet at that time. The number of websites I was personally using had contracted down to… one or two. I was not an active participant in most major internet culture hubs at the time and my engagement with internet discourse culture was fragmented, cursory. How could Dead Internet Theory be real if I was still about to go on the-toast.net or read a news article without being confronted immediately with a paywall? In 2019 and 2020, it felt like people were still making things. Websites, posts, archives — not everything was content yet.

Now, it feels incomprehensible to use 2020 stats to try and chart the internet in 2026, post-Gen AI boom. I haven’t darkened the door of Twitter since 2020, but I remember what it was like then… I shudder to think now. I would imagine that post Musk-acquisition, the number of bots has…. octupled.

Do I think the internet is dead dead? I don’t know. I kind of can’t see past my own hands on this one. Literally. Like, I am a person and I am on the internet.

I do think it has been infiltrated and oversaturated with so much junk and bloat that it’s almost impossible to use for the internet for its original, intended purpose: casually exploring and acquiring verified information.

I can’t remember the last time I read a long form piece of journalism or was able to get through a full YouTube video without seeing 100 Wonder food ads and eventually giving up. It seems my eyeballs have never been more valuable, and yet I am so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of shit and ads and dookie and ads and crap, I can’t even actually use my eyeballs enough for them to be meaningful to advertisers. So, I default to short-form content.

I believe that one day the advent and wide-spread dispersal of short-form content will be spoken about with the same headshaking and thousand-yard stare as other major manmade disasters. I won’t speak for others, but I do genuinely fear how much I have eroded my brain in the last six years. I find myself struggling with analysis paralysis, a damaged attention span, persistent anxiety about “missing something”, and the horrible, awful habit of mindlessly opening and closing things on my phone.

So, I bought a Brick. Months ago. And recently I started using it. Every day, social media apps are blocked on my phone starting at noon and going til I unbrick my phone — usually around 6pm. I check accounts then re-brick for the remainder of the night.

Have I actually missed anything important? Hmmmm absolutely not.

Am I cured of my brain worms and dopamine addiction? Hmmmmm absolutely not.

This has not been easy. I have an abundance of time that I’ve so far filled with the following activities:

1. Video games - for max. 1 hour a day.

2. Long walks or walks on my walking pad

3. Listening to podcasts or watching long-form youtube talks - this is not great, also, but I’m considering it like a nicotine patch. one thing at a time, folks!!!!

4. Coloring

5. Love Island

6. Texting or voice noting friends

7. Journaling - this is a huge WIP for me. I hate journaling; I hate writing down my feelings; I hate how slow I write. It’s a whole thing. Again, WE’RE WORKING ON IT.

8. Feeling lonely, lost, sad, and friendless.

Yep.

I’ve spent a lot of this newfound time I have now that I am not watching hours of mindless content looking at other screens, feeling anxious, and hating myself.

But want to know what happens once I do unbrick my phone and look at social media? I immediately feel sick to my stomach.

Anxiety engulfs me like a blanket being dropped over a cat. And like a cat, I seize up and panic sets in. Because the internet is so hostile, my body reacts like I am walking into enemy territory. I am confronted with a deluge of negativity. Ads and shit and discourse and fighting and shit and crap and ads and ads and ads.

And then that internal negativity begets more externalized negativity when I go and look at my Goodreads scores and my review counts and Kindle page reads and sales numbers and and and…

So, to recap:

No social media time → I have no friends. I’m boring. I’m lonely. I’m bored. I’m boring for being bored. My brain is broken because I also am incapable of doing anything other than sitting here and hating myself.

Social media time → Everyone hates me and my writing. I’m a loser and a flop because I once again missed [insert goal post here]. I need to find more information about how much of a flop and a loser I am, to add to the Flop Loser case file.

Horse_ebooks was certainly right. Everything does happen so much.

I’m struggling with this new relationship, with these new boundaries, but I have stepped into some clarity about the cycle of dopamine chasing. I’m trying to be gentle with myself and slowly replace habits so this becomes a new sustainable way for me to be on the (dead) internet. And, to be honest, I’m not sure there’s much there there anymore.

Meaning, I’m not sure how much personal influence I can wield over the great lurching mass that is the Angry Internet. I’m not sure how many new readers I can reach online, how many books I can really hand-sell via my platform. I’m not even really sure how many books publishers can sell over the internet, without some sort of ridiculous discount or free book giveaway. Are we more powerful than the AI slop produced at an inhuman speed and at an inhuman quantity?

I’m also personally not sure how many more times I can be presented with a negative or lukewarm review of my work. Just being honest on that one. I have to go into the lion’s cave in order to feed the lion. Because feeding the lion is my job. It’s hard to reckon with that dichotomy.

For now, I’m staying light-touch with everything. Being careful about what I consume and for how long. Keeping track of what I think about myself and my work and how it’s impacted by what I consume. Cultivating my little corner of the (dead) internet like a garden rather than a landmine-riddled field.

---

Things That Made Life Worth Living!!!!

The beloved segment is back! Here’s all the stuffs and things that are absolutely giving me life currently.

HORRORble Podcast hosted by Askia Booker w/ Celeste Mott

I first discovered this podcast when I saw a clip of Askia’s interview with Celeste Mott on TikTok (lol clipping culture, man. Huge Dead Internet red flag, btw).

I’ve been following Celeste for a while now, completely obsessed with her recounts of experiencing and surviving an internet Anne Rice vampire culture. As someone who spent the early 00s entrenched in H*rry P*tter forum rp culture, this obviously caught my attention right away. God, what a time.

I came for the vampire cult and ended up staying for Celeste’s other TikToks about her spiritual and witchcraft practice, paranormal experiences, and other assorted tales. Naturally, the FYP gods fed me a clip of this interview!

Askia interviewing Celeste is really incredible. As a lot of people have commented on YouTube, it’s like watching the high school jock and cool Goth chick become besties in real time. As a former weird alt art girl who had many jock-y guy friends, this dynamic is near and dear to my heart.

What I love most about Askia is how curious and engaged he is, which not all podcast hosts are. He’s a really astute listener, and he knows exactly when to push in for a clarification or more information.

Also? I love that this professional basketball player now has a podcast where he just gets to nerd out about all of his favorite paranormal obsessions. This is the type of nuance and specificity that makes my heart sing.

Askia’s charm quadruples alongside Celeste as they have wonderful chemistry and banter. This episode is an excellent entry point into this podcast!!! I’m obsessed and currently binging past eps.

Body Badalada Moisture Melting Lotion (Only The Green One!!!)

As you all may or may not know, ya girl has an autoimmune disease. Because of that, my skin is extremely sensitive. Additionally, my damn derma is naturally quite dry. If I don’t moisturize post-shower immediately and properly, all hell breaks loose. I’m not too proud to admit I’ve skipped proper hydration and ended up in tears from how itchy and painful my skin had become!!!!

Over the years I’ve tried a lot of different lotions—from drug store to high-end— and even when I love a product, I end up with the same major complaints: 1) my hands get really tired from how much I need to rub the product in to get it to absorb 2) the scent is too scent-y OR so unscented that it then circles back around to smelling weird/bad.

Well, the hot Brazilian geniuses down at the Sol De Janeiro factory absolutely cracked the damn code on BOTH OF THESE THINGS. It’s literally incredible lol.

This lotion comes out watery (they call it a “milk”; I call that “gross”) but as you work it into your skin it turns thick and ultra-moisturizing. I’m not joking— the texture transforms with just a little bit of elbow grease. It’s a miracle. The result is you can really quickly get the lotion everywhere and then with a few strategic scrubs and rubs, you’re fully moisturized!!!

Bonus: the scent is very light and coconut-y. Not too perfume-y. Not heavy and artificial. It makes me feel sexy and luxurious. 1000/10.

Witch in Darkness by Kelly-Ann Maddox

I picked this book up on a whim when I was having a really, really bad mental health day. I’d gone out for a walk through one of my favorite local parks and was promptly rear-ended at a stop sign. I also was dealing with some heavy family stuff. Forces combined and my peaceful, introspective walk turned into me sobbing amongst the tress. Then, I went to a B&N that carried exactly zero of my books. J’adore la vie de merde.

What they did carry was this incredible book, which turned out to be exactly what I needed.

It’s the perfect mix of mental health support, introspective prompts and exercises, and a pinch of sweet and juicy witchcraft. Don’t let the W word scare you. You aren’t going to be casting arcanic spells or summoning an eldritch monster. Witchcraft in this sense is more akin to manifestation, self care, and meditation.

Books About Hot Chefs/Cooks

My next book, coming out in October, is about a thirst-trapping vegan home cook falling in love with a brooding STEM diva. Joey is probably my favorite MMC I’ve ever written and a lot of that has to do with his love of food— which is, ultimately, my love of food.

And is there anything hotter than a man that just wants to feed you?

In celebration of all the Joeys, I wanted spotlight Yes, Chef by Grace Reilly out July 21!

More about Yes, Chef: After a public meltdown in the dining room of one of Manhattan’s most elite restaurants, Chef Jack Hartman is back in his South Florida hometown. Angry, grieving, and saddled with the unwanted storefront his late mentor left him, his life is spinning out of control. And that’s before Poppy Winfield—the bubbly, infuriating daughter of his former boss—shows up at his dock.

Poppy needs to escape. From her family, her ex-boyfriend, and her reputation as someone who has never taken anything seriously. But more than that, she wants to prove herself—and she has just the plan to do it. Unfortunately, that plan involves Jack Hartman, the most arrogant, intimidating man she’s ever had the pleasure of throwing a shrimp at.

Poppy proposes a deal: they work together to open a revamped version of his mentor’s restaurant. Jack will handle the menu, and she’ll use her social media influence to sell the hell out of its grand opening. If she and Jack can make it a success, it’ll be a ticket for them both to return to New York.

Jack is intrigued, but only on his terms: If Poppy’s going to do this, she must learn the ropes of the business. From him.

As sparks fly both in and out of the kitchen, Poppy and Jack are left wondering, could they be a perfect pairing? Or is this whole experiment a recipe for disaster?

• grumpy chef x sunshine influencer

• forced proximity

• private cooking lessons

• found family

• ADHD rep (both of them!)

• classic summer romcom vibes!

Pre-order a signed copy from Scribbles or The New Romantics one of my most favorite indie bookstores! Plus, you can catch Grace on tour!

Brinity

Okay, that’s all from me for now!!!

Talk soon, loves.

Xx Betty

1. 15% of 48 million Twitter accounts

2. US Only