Eddie & Del: In Conversation
:) here is some fan fiction of my own book :)
The idea for todayâs newsletter came from dear friend and soulmate Hannah. You should give her newsletter a follow; sheâs completely brilliant. A second shout out goes to my other soulmate Emily who is always talking about Snoopyâs laugh. I stole that bit from her.
Please enjoy this little interview-style piece of fan fiction I wrote of my own book, wherein Eddie is a guest on Del and Samâs podcast. Iâm always imagining different futures for Del â one of them being that Sam and she (her?) host an advice podcast. Theyâre a perfect duo (psychologist and comedian) for it! And Del is the ultimate millennial, working seven thousand different creative jobs while also waiting tables. Obviously, she has to have a podcast.
Anyway, Iâve been in a bit of a creative rut lately â sorta âlost in the sauceâ with writing, which usually manifests as me hyperfixating on questions like: what is romance? what is romantic? what maketh a ânovelâ? what isâŚâŚthe point?
This was so fun to write and reminded me that the point is to be silly and fun <3 Enjoy!
Del: Heeeey listeners! Todayâs episode is a little bit different than usual as you all probably saw on Instagram that Sam is officially out on maternity leave. We are so, so happy for the Persaud-Jenkins family. Mom and baby are doing great, and Sam will absolutely be sharing pictures and an update when sheâs ready. In the meantime, I have some very fun co-hosts joining me while the doctor is out. Todayâs episode is probably the most requested weâve gotten â a sit down with my Eddie. Or as some of you pervs are calling him⌠Deddie. Which I think is a combination of Daddy and Eddie? Anyway, we sat down together and answered some of your most burning questions. But first⌠Todayâs episode is sponsored by HelloFreshâŚ
[Audio fades in on muffled speaking, laughter, ambient room noise.]
Eddie: Hello?
Del: Oh, hello.
Eddie: [nervous laughter] Why are you making that face? Should I be scared?
Del: No! Our love is titanium, bulletproof, not a battlefield, et cetera. Unless�
Eddie: Oh God, unless? Unless what? That would be crazy. Consideringâ
Del: Oh, yeah. Considering. For folks who donât usually listen or maybe missed our Big Episode last week, Eddie and I officially signed all the paperwork for the new building behind The Billiardsâ
Eddie: You do this little smile every time we talk about it. I swear, your eyes literally twinkle.
Del: Iâm doing a Snoopy laugh!
Eddie: [imitates Snoopy laughing]
Del: [also imitates Snoopy laughing]
Eddie: Itâs extremely exciting. Iâm not sure how much you wanna talk about itâŚ?
Del: Letâs save it. We have some questions we need to answer.
Eddie: Ok, should I go first?
Del: Please! Okay, for anyone listening to this on their morning commute and not watching on YouTube, Eddie is literally shuffling the question cards.
Eddie: For maximum fairness.
Del: Exactly. We want you to feel secure in knowing nothing about this is staged.
Eddie: Aight! Here we go, question number one â God, your handwriting is so bad. Okay, I think this one says â
Del: You know what it says. My handwriting is absolutely and completely fine. You just want to brag about your weird, perfect Catholic grandma script.
Eddie: [through laughter] What do people you went to high school with think of your relationship? Oh, man. Honestly, I think people are probably likeâŚ
Eddie shrugs a shoulder, pushing out his bottom lip as he raises his hands in a âmehâ motion.
Del: This is a podcast. You have to make noise.
Eddie: I think people are like, oh wow, thatâs crazy. AnywayâŚ
Del: Yeah, I agree. Our friend group was so close in high school. We spent like, every day after school together hanging out. We spent every Summer night together. And then â you and I â we were just less supervised, so we spent even more time together and I think there was a period of time when we were really âeddieanddelâ one word.
Eddie: Totally. And there was no internet back thenââ
Del: Are you high? There absolutely was internet when we were in high school.
Eddie: I mean like, we didnât have smart phones or snapchat or whatever. You just went out to the boards and hung out with whoever was around. So, yeah, we all spent a lot of time together. When we all see each other now, it feels like a family reunion. I mean, you and Sam â youâre still best friends so now Sam and I are best friends. Our kids are friends. Iâm surprised more of our friend group didnât end up together.
Del: [laughing] It was really incestuous. Yeah, itâs surprising more people didnât stay together. That would have been very Small Town America of us to all marry each other. I love that DJ and Val get to grow up together. It makes me cry.
Eddie: Mhmm. Happy tears. Being a parent makes you cry a lot of happy tears.
Del: [clearly holding back happy tears] Okay, next question⌠If you could pick a theme song to describe our relationship in the last year, what would you pick? 34 + 35 by Ariana Grande. Just kidding.
Eddie: [laughing] Closer by Nine Inch Nails.
Del: [laughing] Oh my God â
Eddie: Love in this Club by Usher. A little more romantic.
Del: [laughing so hard thereâs just sort of silence]
Eddie: Next question. Oh! Itâs for me. Eddie, what do you admire most about Del? You okay there, champ?
Del: [trying to catch her breath from laughing] OkayâŚOkay. Iâm done. Can you hand me a tissue? Oh my God. Okay. What do you admire most about me?"
Eddie: Hold on, you have a little â there you go. Honestly, like, this is perfect because we justâŚyou just did it. Your energy and sense of humor is infectious. Youâre a bright spot of positivity and happiness, even when you think youâre being grumpy or critical. And man, you are fearless. Nothing throws you off. You move through life with thisâŚbuoyancy. Is that the word?
Del: I know what you mean, yeah.
Eddie: And when we were young, I was always really jealous of that part of you.
Del: You had more responsibilities than me! You had to grow up really fast. And like, thatâs what I admire most about you. Youâre so calm, and you radiate stability. Which I never had. Even when we were young â if things got crazy at a party or people were just being too⌠too wild. If you were there, I knew I would be okay. Even when we werenât really friends or talking, a part of me knew I could ask you for help and youâd be there.
Eddie: ThatâsâŚreally beautiful, Del. Thank you.
Del: You look like youâre going to cry. Please donât! We canât spend the whole episode sobbing and laughing. Okay, next questionâŚDo you tell people that you dated in high school? OoooohâŚuh oh.
Eddie: Uh oh!
Del: I do not. I say we were friends.
Eddie: What?!
Del: DudeâŚ
Eddie: Okay, fine. Fair. I definitely deserve that. I tell people we dated. Orâ more specifically â I say you were my first love.
Del is too stunned to speak.
Eddie: Because you were! You were the first person I ever said I love you to.
Del: Oh, fuck off.
Eddie: Iâm not joking.
Del: Who are you telling, Oh yeah Del was my first love?
Eddie: Anyone who asks how we met, Delfina. Which happens a lot. Iâm picking next question. [He clears his throat]
Del: I am continuously baffled by you. Ask your little question.
Eddie: Del, would you ever consider going back on tour? I saw you open for Michelle Buteau in Atlantic City last year and you were amazing. I couldnât agree more. You were amazing. Are amazing.
Del: Thank you so much! That was a really fun, crazy time. But yeah, no. Iâm never touring again. It wasâŚthe hardest thing Iâve ever done.
Eddie: It was hard. You missed Annieâs birthday because of tourâ
Del: Oh my God. That almost killed me. That was the last straw. I felt really torn between gratitude and just missing you.
Eddie: It was very hard to not be able to be at every show and be there for you.
Del: Yeah, that was what got us to move on expanding and getting our own venue set up. Just realizing that we wanted to be completely co-dependent.
Eddie: [a smile on his voice] Bert and Ernie.
Del: [laughing] Okay, you have to provide context for that so people donât just think youâre just insulting me.
Eddie: Alrightâso, we both wore striped sweaters to my uncleâs Christmas partyâ
Del: â and obviously Eddie is very tall â
Eddie: And I think Mell said it? Someone called us Bert and Ernie. And now no one will ever let us forget it. Lucky us.
Del: Oh, weâre the luckiest.
Eddie: The pictures from that night are very funny.
Del: We totally look like Bert and Ernie.
Eddie: [laughing] Should we do another?
Del: Sure!
Eddie: Iâm picking.
Del: I would never stop you.
Eddie: Hey, you two! Del, first I want to say thank you so much for everything you do. Iâm a curvy girl myself and was really terrified of dating for a long time, but hearing all your stories about guys literally flying across the continent to be with you or proposing during sexâ Now, hold on a minute. That oneâs not me.
Del: Uh oh! Keep reading!
Eddie: Youâve inspired and encouraged me, and I am so happy to say Iâve officially gone on ten dates this year. Wow, thatâs amazing. Delâs clutching her heart right now, by the way. My question for you and Eddie is: whatâs your favorite song to perform together? You two are my favorite! Please never break up. Xoxo, Lover Girl. I already have my answer.
Del: What is it?
Eddie: Never Going Back Again.
Del: Oh, that one is so fun. I thought you were going to say my least favorite, to troll me.
Eddie: [laughs, then sings in an awful, nasally emo voice] Tell me what you thought about when you were gone and so aloneâ
Del: Eughhhhh. People love it, but it physically hurts me. You guys look like youâre having fun playing it when we do that song, but I hate singing it.
Eddie: Sam loves it.
Del: She eats it up! Thinks itâs the most romantic thing on earth! Itâs just a little too High School Musical of us, to sing that one together. Okay, last question. Oooh, this oneâs directed at you, Eddie. Any advice for getting a second chance with someone you really, really like? My ex and I recently decided to rekindle things, and Iâm super stoked, but also pretty nervous. Well, thatâs adorable.
Eddie: [after a moment] This is a hard one becauseâŚ
Del: We grew up a lot over the last ten years.
Eddie: Yeah. In the time that we didnât see each other or hear from each other, I feel like we both went off and did these little side quests that made us better peopleâ or at least, made me a better person. Made me less worried about being the coolest guy in the room or⌠or whatever. Made me less insecure, more thoughtful. So, when we started hanging out again, I was confident that â if you let me â I could be a really good partner to you. I wasnât going to make the same mistakes again. And I was just soâŚso grateful. That first summer together was the first time I hadnât felt alone in a loooong time. But when we were kids, I didnât have any of the⌠the tools to identify how special what we have is. Getting back together, I got to be like â wow, holy shit. This is the love of my life. I want this or nothing.
Del: Did you date between Meghan and me?
Eddie: [laughing] No. No way. I wasâŚ
Del: An extremely hot recluse. And yeah, I completely agree. I think we work now because we had ten years to shed all our bullshit, so when we met again it was like â we were really raw with each other.
Eddie: Very raw.
Del: Say raw again.
Eddie: Raw. [laughing] Did we even answer the question?
Del: Who knows?
Eddie: Youâre a really easy person to love, Del. Thank you.
Del: [more happy tears]
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